Yoda & Odysseus
by SK8BAL
Summary: When Star Wars and Greek Mythology collide. See how this mismatched pair travel through life with their goal to reach Ithica and perhaps destroy the death star or something on the way.
1. Scene 1

YODA AND ODYSSEUS!

Scene 1

Narrator: For a few years nothing happened then something happened. The silent cloud rose silently as the silent people watched in silence, silently. Then some Cubans dropped a nuclear bomb, silently. This caused a nuclear holocaust and a few nuclear meltdowns, which then made a nuclear winter causing everyone to die slowly. This has nothing to do with the story I thought id tell you. The story is about two heroes named Yoda and Odysseus. On the subject of names I have a cat called kitty. He is very cute and when he was a kitten he was naughty, now on with the story. This is how the story begins….

Circes: Please Odysseus, Drink.

Odysseus: Thank you, you are too kind.

Circes: Now I turn you into a pig! #Touches wand to Odysseus. Doesn't work#

Odysseus: Why did you turn my men into pigs?

Circes: You must be Odysseus. Hermes warned me of your arrival.

Odysseus: Why did you to this to my men?

Circes: I don't know…

Odysseus: Turn them back or suffer the wrath of my sword!

Circes: Ok calm down, faggot.

Odysseus: I WILL DESTROY YOU!

#Yoda enters# Yoda: Before you kill Circes you must become one with Circes.

Odysseus: Who the hell are you?

Yoda: Yoda, I am. But really am I here? Decide, you must.

Odysseus: What is that supposed to mean?

Yoda: I don't know. Crazed ugly green creature thing, I am!

Circes: I think I should have a say in me being killed.

Odysseus: Who asked you?

#pigs walk by# Odysseus: MY MEN! I'LL KILL YOU!

Yoda: Give this to you I must. Gift from your father, it is. It is a sword of light.

Odysseus: My father? I never knew my parents….

Yoda: Very close friend to him, I was. He was Scotty from star trek. He is far away now. Searching for new life new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before! Baa baaa babababa baaaaaa doo doo doo doo doo!

#Odysseus and Circes stare blankly#

Odysseus: Anyway where was I? Oh yeah…. MY MEN! YOU HELL BITCH!

Yoda: Baa ba baba ba ba baaaaaaaa baaaaaaa…

Odysseus: Oh I won't kill you I must return to Ithicar.

Yoda: Yes you can if u believe you can, but first destroy the Death Star, must!

Odysseus: Well I suppose this day can't get any wackier.

Yoda: My tooffy loof.

Odysseus: LETS GO YODA!

Circes: I love you Odysseus.


	2. Scene 2

Scene 2

Narrator: By now this odd couple and his group of merry pigs are on their way in their boat to destroy the death star.

pigs rowing the boat Odysseus: How are we going to get to this death star anyway?

Yoda: A place I know. In a galaxy far far away, it is. But around many years ago, it was, so lets go somewhere else. The Cyclops Space Island.

Odysseus: Sooooo what we gonna expect up there

Yoda: A man of pure evil in a black suit which he never takes off. Stench is how he rules the universe. Be careful, you must, for an expert with light sabre, he is. He is not to be underestimated.

Flashes to Darth Vader in the death star in his private quarters messing around with his light sabre Vader: And Vader has the light sabre HE SWINGS! And he has won the championship! THE CROUD ROAR! He accidentally chucks his light sabre into the wall. He is just about to get it when a woman with a tray sits walks through the door Dinner Lady: I brought you your bread Mr. Vader.

Vader: Yes I feel the force is strong with you, bread. But you are not yet a sandwich! Vader picks up the light sabre and a cloud of dust is made. When the dust settles the bread is in slices Vader: Now for the sauce! goes to the closet and pulls out some Tabasco sauce and another tasty spicy treat Vader: Yes the force is very strong with the Tabasco but is it ready yet?

a voice from nowhere Voice: Do not underestimate the power of the Tabasco

Vader: Yes I shall not Mr. Voice

Voice: COUGH! When was the last time you had a bath?

Vader: My stench rules the universe!

Voice: Well it's obvious why you have no girlfriend.

Vader: Don't make me use this anti-voicierizer I got for Christmas.

Voice: Alright I'm going you sticky fat fool.

Vader: I knew this thing would come in handy!

flashes back to Yoda Yoda: Not to be underestimated!


End file.
